I surrendered my struggle and gently asked the cosmos for a heads up – “What does self-love actually feel like?…I’m clearly a bit slow on the uptake here, so a bit of assistance would be appreciated, thank you…”

Laying in peace later that day, it wasn’t long before I came to myself in my mind’s eye, in mirror form, suddenly holding a gift. As I reached out to accept the gift from myself, I felt the soft embrace of the Celestial cover me with a blanket of warm love, and this feeling settled happily into my Being, for which I was very grateful.

My heart opened and silence whispered “This is it- the golden gift”. Enjoying this sacred moment, naturally I wanted it to last forever, and being Eternal Grace it really felt like it would…But, as this is the Holy Grail and conquering the Inner Dragon and all, of course it wouldn’t be that easy…my little Ego kicked off with its need to analyse, interpret and quantify this download.

And of course life got in the way – drama and daily demands, alongside a timely visit from a Jehovah’s witness. There again, someone coming to my door to remind me of Jesus’ unconditional love was a very sweet touch, given what I had just been blessed with…

So what was the essence of The Golden Gift? Nothing, it was empty. No profound explanation. Thats the thing isn’t it. We want the big epiphany and the dramatic explosion of Divine realisation, to scream across the rooftops into the Celestial sunset because we gained something and have it within our grasp.

But actually no, it was all pretty…nothingy, but in the empty void the Celestial leant in with its sweet kiss, as if to say ‘we were here all along’. The emptiness actually brought forth a new world and a beautiful love your Ego could probably not construct with its narrow view of the Universe.

I learnt that if you just allow the nothingness to be and allow the emptiness to expand, the waves of the Celestial can ripple through and lap against the shore of your soul. Where sea meets land, Celestial meets Ego.

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