A woman in one of my groups shared her experience of overwhelming guilt and shame. Four years ago, she rescued a puppy that had deep fears, probably because of abuse. Several months later, it began lunging at people on the street and actually nipped a woman. After extensive training, the dog has come a long way and has not exhibited this kind of behavior for quite some time. While my friend was out of town recently, the dog was being cared for by a neighbor and during a walk, it nipped an eight year old boy in the neighborhood. After learning of the incident, my friend felt so deflated and her storyteller kept saying over and over, “I should have done more training. I should have been more responsible. I should have been a better dog parent.” It did not take long for the guilty feelings to become shameful feelings, in essence, “I don’t deserve to have a dog. I am a bad person.”

The storyteller in our heads is so used to being judgmental, cruel and even vicious, telling us not only that we did something wrong, but that we are wrong. And it influences so many people’s lives from underneath our everyday awareness, keeping us cut off from the vast and healing regions of our own hearts. But we can learn how to see this judging quality in our heads rather than believing what it is saying. We can even move beyond judging this judger! It helps to understand that Life is in charge. Life puts us in situations to help us see our guilt, shame, and all of the other states, so we can learn to relate to them rather than from them. The only power a state like the judger has over us is when we think it is the voice of truth. But it is not. Continue reading →