Deanna Romano – Ever felt that sometimes long after a relationship has finished, particularly an extremely passionate one, you’re still tied or connected to that person’s energy?
I’m not talking about the emotional ties that come with heartbreak or loss, which as we know, only heals with time and a suitable amount of chocolate – depending on your emotional healing weapon of choice! Continue reading
We all have a variety of ways that we guard and protect ourselves from getting hurt. The fortress built around the heart which protects us from the slightest possible pain, is also what’s blocking the softest sweetest most gentle healing energy from finding its way in. When our inner fortress remains too rigid and strong, it can push away those who are trying to give us love. When this occurs these walls no longer serve our highest good and its vital that we dismantle them. It’s only through dissolving these wounded walls that we can truly relax, lighten up and become receptive again to let in love.
If you were abandoned, dumped, rejected, betrayed or emotionally wounded in any way, you probably have layers of hidden walls protecting you from having to go through that experience again. It would be good to acknowledge how many intimate relationships you have, and how many of them are with the same sex as you, and how many are with the opposite sex. Its important to notice which people you trust the most, and let into see, feel and know your deepest secrets inside. If you have very few intimate relationships, there’s a big chance you are protecting yourself from getting hurt again in an attempt to avoid true emotional intimacy.
Letting down your walls to let in a new love can be terrifying and feel completely wrong. You may feel like you’d rather die than take the chance to get hurt again. Yet with time our past wounds tend to heal all by themselves. Sometimes it can become confusing to know and discriminate when it’s healthy to keep your guard up to protect yourself, or let down your guard to allow real love to come in again. It may feel safer to remain behind closed doors forever, never ever taking the risk to expose yourself to the possibility of getting hurt again. You might believe that nobody will ever come as close to you as how it was with your first love.
I would do anything to “prove” my worth – going above and beyond the call of duty many times, only to find heartbreak, disappointment and betrayal.
Each heartbreak, disappointment and betrayal then only solidified what I felt in my heart to be true – I was damaged, beyond repair, like the sofa you put out on the curb for the city to take to the dump. Although unlike the sofa, I had never felt loved – even when shiny, clean and new.
My deepest, darkest secret was that I felt UN-Loveable.
I never even had the wish that someone would actually commit to loving me forever.
When I would get quiet I would ask myself, “What do I want? What do I really want?”
Every time the answer was LOVE.