Mary O’Malley – Two friends of mine recently lost their jobs and a lot of fear is coming up for both of them. One was laid off after working for a large retail company for over ten years. The other decided to quit her job when the company took away the flexibility she had enjoyed for many years, including working from home.
When something uncomfortable or painful happens, like being let go from or leaving a job, it is so easy to slip into the victim mode, and when you are in this mode, you are unconscious and lost in the separate self. It is important to understand that when you are vulnerable (and you are always vulnerable when you go through major life transitions), your judger will come up with all kinds of stories, like “If I had only done it right this wouldn’t have happened,” or “I am a failure.” You can choose to buy into these stories or you can step back and see them for what they really are – just stories that are not true.
For my friend who lost her job involuntarily, she initially blamed the company for taking away her retirement, health insurance, and all of the other perks she worked so hard to have. I told her that her judger is making a list to show her that she is the victim. As she moves out of the victim mode, she is beginning to watch the judger rather than buying into its stories. Reflecting back on her job, she realizes that she was not happy nor was she fulfilled.