5 Tips To Help You Recover From Perfectionism

Lissa Rankin MD – Perfectionism can be a real joy killer. If I had been too afraid to appear imperfect, I might have stayed in two unhappy marriages or kept a job that was sucking the life out of me.

perfectionismPerfectionism can also be a barrier to intimacy, as well as a potent form of self-sabotage. If I had been committed to trying to give a perfect performance in front of a live studio audience, for example, I might have missed the chance to giggle and connect with the audience the way I did when I flubbed up my words and exposed my imperfections. They might have wrongly assumed that I had it all together, when the honest truth was that I was terrified to be doing something so far outside of my comfort zone.

But, as soon as I let go of the expectation of perfection in myself, my whole body relaxed. I could be imperfect! And I would still be good enough…

I realize that’s what it really comes down to. When I’m too focused on being perfect, it’s usually because, deep in the shadows lies a basic lack of worthiness. Some part of me thinks that, if only I overdeliver, I’ll finally be good enough.

But beneath that shadowy part of myself lies something deeper, something more true, something I call my Inner Pilot Light, and that part of me know that I am – and YOU are – inherently worthy simply because we all have sparks of Divinity within us, and we don’t have to prove anything in order to earn that worth.

Excellence Or Perfectionism?

I notice in myself this struggle between the quest for excellence and the tug of perfectionism. Where is the line? How much striving for excellence is noble versus how much is just ego, rearing its overfluffed head? Continue reading

Paul Brundtland ~ Perfectionism And Fear: The Emotion Behind Getting It “Just Right”

“There is a point when perfectionism leads us away from a “perfect” experience of life. This is to say, the feelings associated with having it “just right” actually can cause us to miss the beneficial qualities of having it in all its glory just “as it is”.” – P Brundtland

perfectionismMany of us know that feeling, that nagging voice inside saying “No, I want it THAT way”.

One can argue that perfectionism can bring out the best in us and others in certain situations. The great inventors, artists, scientists, engineers and architects in history undoubtedly found themselves struggling to realize exactly what was in their heads, and pushing those involved past what had been previously considered acceptable.

But for many of us perfectionists, we’re often not talking about finding the perfect angle for a structural member in a building. We might be more at the scale of finding the perfect angle for the hat on our head or getting our look for the day perfect. Maybe it’s the perfect way to end an email or expecting the perfect response at the perfect time from a colleague, friend or partner.

“What’s wrong with that?”, you may ask. Well, nothing, if it causes you no tension and doesn’t drive the people around you mad.

The Emotion Behind Getting It “Just Right”

There is a point when perfectionism leads us away from a “perfect” experience of life. This is to say, the feelings associated with having it “just right” actually can cause us to miss the beneficial qualities of having it in all its glory just “as it is”. Continue reading