Jennifer Hoffman – I don’t like tomatoes, everyone knows that. But I can admire the beautiful, perfect symmetry and rich red color of a ripe tomato. I think that heirloom varieties are beautiful and perfect too, like yellow and red striped tomatoes, or my favorite Cherokee purples. While I think they look perfect, they are not my favorite food so I would not call a plate of tomatoes that I would be expected to eat, a perfect meal. But I can agree that they are perfect. So what is perfect and what is perfection and how do we relate to it?

I think it is as hard to wrap our heads around the concept of perfectionism as it is to accept acceptance. It requires a form of emotional distancing and discretion that is hard to embody especially when you’re talking about superlatives, things you feel very strongly about. When you say something is perfect, to you it embodies the highest achievement you believe is possible.

Perfection implies, well, perfection. It says to the world that there is absolutely nothing wrong with it and it is as good as something can get. Until it isn’t perfect any more.

What happened to perfection when it is no longer perfect? Was it ever perfect? Were we wrong?

Nothing happens to perfection, it is just that our perception of perfection changes and shifts all the time. We think perfection is permanent but it isn’t, and we just have to acknowledge that and allow for shifts in perfection that accompany our own shifts in perception.

One of my clients bought the perfect house a few years ago, decorated it perfectly, had a few years of a perfect life and then called me a few months ago to ask me where she thought she would move because she was really unhappy. Her perfect house was not any less perfect, she had a new perception of perfection.

If you’re feeling this in your life, and especially in your relationships it is not about you, it’s what happens within the ascension cycle when a desire for transformation dis-integrates your reality, or takes it apart, and you no longer want the old way or energy, you want something new and different. Perfection doesn’t change, it is static. Our reality of perfection and belief in what is perfect is what changes and when w have spent a lot of time, energy, and effort creating the perfect situation or relationship and then we wake up one day and don’t think it is perfect any more, that can cause some problems.

But what happens when we no longer meet someone’s standard of perfection? What if we are the ones found lacking by someone who once thought we were perfect and now doesn’t think that any more?

Do you feel judged in your relationships because people in your life are abandoning, betraying, or releasing you?

You were once perfect and now you’re not but you do not feel any different, so what happened and what’s wrong with them? What changed?

Remember when I talked about shifting energies and the more aware of energy we become the more attuned to energy we are? This means that our perfection meter becomes more fine-tuned and we are less likely to ignore signs of imperfection on an energetic level than we were before.

This doesn’t mean we become super critical of others, it means that we become more aware of energetic balance, resonance, and alignment. We have raised that BAR, so to speak, in our lives and we just cannot ignore what is not balanced, does not resonate, or is not aligned any longer. The energy difference makes us downright uncomfortable and after a time, can become impossible to live with. Now this true for us and for everyone else.

Many years ago, when I was a paralegal, I worked for a lawyer who did domestic relations. Now this was in the days of really messy, chaotic, expensive divorces, what I call the Kramer vs Kramer divorce era, named after the movie. I remember reading the pleadings and briefs and listening to the couples arguing with each other and thinking that they once thought the other person was the most perfect person for them. What happened? Their perception of perfection shifted. Maybe that was precipitated by another person, an affair, a lie, or a new perception. Whatever caused the rift, the once ‘perfect couples’ were now mortal enemies, each one determined to outdo the other in the quest for getting their due out of the marital assets, no matter how much they paid the attorneys to fight for them.

When we become the ‘persona imperfecta’ in a relationship or situation, it’s painful and upsetting because we are not aware that anything about us is different. And it isn’t. This is all happening on an energetic level, and it’s all happening as the energy cycles from the last 5, 10, 15 or more years are coming full circle and we’re all moving in new and different directions and perceptions.

And with those new perceptions comes the inevitable judgment and criticism of every situation that feels like a betrayal but it’s a result of the energy earthquake that a new shift in perception creates as it disrupts all of our energy patterns and forces them into new energy pathways. We can try to fit them together in the old paradigm but it won’t work. Have you ever successfully glued a broken dish back together so it looks and works exactly as it did before it broke? If you can do that you are more talented than I am because I have never been able to do it.

And then there is the surprise factor that really catches us off guard and destroys our confidence because we think that perfect and perfection are permanent when they are not. They are perfect in that moment but then the day comes when a new type of perfection takes center stage and we are forced to exit stage left.

What if we did an energy inventory of our relationships on a regular basis and saw them without the judgment of our needs, expectations, wishes, hopes, and desires? What if we did a perfection inventory and pre-empted the perfection rejection before it happens to us. We can do that if we have the courage to do it but we are afraid of the answer so we never really ask the question.

Perfection meets our needs to know that we have the best, we are the best, or that our choice is the very best. But as I said, we want permanence and we think that choosing the perfect thing is permanently perfect and it isn’t. When you pick that perfect rose from your garden it looks good for 3 or 4 days, then its petals fall off and it’s time for it to go into the compost bin.

One more question for you. Is what we call ‘perfect’ really 100% perfect or did we create an outline of perfection and then fill in the gap with our own energy and that make sit feel perfect? Hmmm, something to think about.

When a relationship doesn’t meet our needs we can fill that gap with expectations, the belief that if we try harder or do more that it will change.

Or we close our eyes, wish hard, and hope that somehow we’ll get a miraculous shift and it will be all better.

Or we just deny the truth that it has run out of energy road, it didn’t have energetic synergy to begin with, and it is time for everyone to move on.

When we want something we can create a ‘straw man’ for it and add our own energy as needed. Then it does look perfect and it resonates perfectly with us – it should, because we are looking at our own energy. But now that strategy doesn’t work and it’s time for us to move on.

These are tough times and relationships are taking the biggest hit because it is about truth, justice, and balance. And where do we look for truth and balance, and acceptance and perfection? In our relationships.

We are witness to a big shift in our energetic integrity now, how we align with energy, where we put our energy resources, and what we do to create balance and congruence. We don’t just want things to look perfect, we want them to feel perfect too and we want them to work perfectly. Now we’re at a crossroads, a turning point where we have to be in full integrity with the perfection we create. It has to be energetically in perfect alignment, in energetic balance, and in energetic congruence or it will simply fall apart. And all of that energy we use to fill in the gaps so it looks perfect is a strategy that won’t work any more either.

So rather than worrying about trying to create permanent perfection, let’s focus on alignment, balance, and congruence instead and then we will get the perfection we seek and it will truly be perfect.

Copyright (c) 2021 by Jennifer Hoffman. All rights reserved.

SF Source Enlightening Life Oct 2021